How to Prepare for Your Divorce Settlement Offer: A Step-by-Step Guide
When you're facing a divorce, one of the most important steps you'll take is preparing a settlement offer. But what does that really mean? And how do you start if your spouse isn’t cooperating, your lawyer hasn’t brought it up, or you’re not even sure you want to file yet?
This blog breaks it all down — straight from a Divorce Allies Podcast episode featuring financial mediator Melissa Gragg, who has helped thousands of women walk through divorce with clarity, strategy, and financial confidence.
What is a settlement offer in divorce?
A settlement offer is your proposed agreement to divide assets, debts, income, and expenses. It's a fact-based document — or spreadsheet — that clearly lays out what you’re willing to walk away with, based on what you own, owe, and need to move forward.
✅ A strong settlement offer includes:
A property and debt statement
Current income and estimated expenses
Documentation or statements to back up values
Optional: child-related considerations, housing, and special needs expenses
How do I start preparing a settlement offer if I haven’t filed yet?
You don’t need to file for divorce to start preparing. In fact, the earlier you begin, the better positioned you’ll be.
Start here:
Gather your documents
Mortgage and deed statements
Bank and retirement account balances
Tax returns (past 3 years)
Investment accounts, pensions, RSUs
Car loans, student loans, credit cards
Home value estimates (Zillow, Redfin, county assessor)
Use a spreadsheet or notebook
List all known assets and debts
Estimate values if needed (use Kelly Blue Book, etc.)
Track what’s in your name, their name, or joint
Secure and organize files
Save digital copies in a secure folder (we recommend Bublup)
Keep printed files in a safe location
Is every divorce settlement a 50/50 split?
Not necessarily. The idea of a 50/50 split is common, but reality is far more nuanced.
👉 Some assets are income-producing (retirement, business).
👉 Some are income-depleting (the house, cars).
Courts may consider:
Who can afford to keep the house
Whether there’s separate property or inherited assets
Debts acquired for one party’s benefit (e.g. student loans)
Special circumstances like infidelity, gambling, or hidden assets
✨ A fair settlement is about equity, not just equality.
What if my spouse refuses to negotiate?
You can still prepare your own offer — and you should.
Send it directly via email (or share it with your legal team to deliver)
Keep a record that you made the offer
Use it as your foundation for mediation or court
Judges and mediators often ask, “What’s your proposed settlement?”
Even if your spouse never responds, your documented offer becomes the baseline for future proceedings.
How do I stay emotionally grounded during this process?
Divorce is both emotional and logistical. Preparing a settlement offer:
Brings clarity
Reduces anxiety
Gives you a path forward
Helps you reclaim power and avoid reactionary choices
We recommend creating your offer from a place of truth: what do you actually want and need — not what you fear, or what they “deserve.”
Who should be on my divorce team?
Build your team based on your top 3 issues (housing, kids, finances). Consider:
Business Valuation Expert or Financial Expert
Divorce attorney (for legal guidance)
Financial mediator or analyst (to review documents and strategy)
Mortgage/divorce housing expert
Parenting specialist or child psychologist
Coach or therapist (especially for narcissistic abuse or high conflict cases)
🔑 Pro Tip: Hire professionals willing to collaborate with others. Avoid “sharks” who want to gatekeep.
FAQs About Divorce Settlement Offers
Q: Is there a legal form I have to use for a settlement offer?
A: No official form — it can be a spreadsheet, document, or even a handwritten outline. But it must clearly list assets, debts, and any proposals for division.
Q: Can I make a settlement offer before we file for divorce?
A: Yes! And it often helps reduce conflict, cost, and time once the process begins.
Q: What if I don’t know what all our accounts are?
A: List what you know, then request missing info from your spouse, CPA, or financial planner. If they refuse, that can be addressed in mediation or court.
Q: What if I already hired a lawyer and they haven’t talked about this?
A: Share your settlement offer draft with your attorney and ask them to review it. Some legal teams overlook the financial strategy — you don’t have to.
Watch the Full Podcast Episode
▶️ Click here to watch the full YouTube episode on preparing your divorce settlement offer.
Melissa and Anna walk through the strategy in detail — including mindset shifts, red flags, and how to stay empowered through every stage of your divorce.
Ready to Start?
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