Start the Divorce Process: Filing for Divorce, Financial Disclosures & Taking Back Control
Filing for Divorce
When you’re thinking about divorce, the hardest part is often knowing where to start. The idea of filing can feel overwhelming—especially if you’re dealing with a high-conflict relationship, financial dependence, or limited access to documents.
But here’s the truth: the way you start the divorce process can shape everything that follows.
In this post, we’ll walk through the essential first steps—from filing with intention to protecting your finances—based on insights from Pro Se Advocate and legal strategist, Tracey Bee.
Step 1: Prepare Before You File
Don’t let emotion or urgency rush your timeline. Before you officially file, you’ll want to:
Create a private plan for how and when to file
Think about safety, especially if your spouse is controlling or abusive
Make quiet copies of key documents: tax returns, bank statements, retirement accounts, and anything else tied to your marital finances
Begin building your support network—legal, emotional, and practical
As Tracy says: “Divorce isn’t just about ending a relationship. It’s about protecting your future.”
Step 2: Understand What Filing Really Means
Filing for divorce is a legal action, and it carries consequences—especially if your partner isn’t expecting it.
Here’s what filing does:
Officially opens your case in the court system
Triggers deadlines for disclosures, responses, and hearings
Can impact who has the upper hand if one party is unprepared
Pro tip: Know your local court rules and filing requirements. Many states have self-help portals that outline what forms you need and where to file them.
Step 3: Serve With Strategy
Once you file, your spouse must be served the divorce papers. This is where strategy—and safety—really matter.
You can:
Hire a process server
Ask a sheriff’s deputy
Have a trusted third party do it
Avoid serving your spouse at work, in front of the kids, or during a moment of high conflict. And document everything.
Step 4: Get Your Financial Disclosures in Order
Financial disclosures are the backbone of your divorce. Without them, you can’t negotiate a fair settlement. You’ll need:
3 years of tax returns
Bank statements
Credit card and loan statements
Pay stubs, W2s, or self-employment records
Retirement and investment account info
Documentation of major assets (cars, real estate, valuables)
If you suspect your spouse is hiding money or failing to disclose, don’t panic—document your concerns and bring them up strategically.
Step 5: Filing Without Money? There’s a Way
Many people don’t file because they think they can’t afford to. But you do have options:
Some courts offer fee waivers if you can’t pay the filing fee
Legal aid and self-help centers can provide support
Taking half of joint funds to secure counsel or file may be appropriate—check your state laws and consult with a legal expert or advocate first
Step 6: Know Your Judge
This is an often-overlooked strategy: if you know who your judge is, you can watch their courtroom ahead of time. Notice how they treat pro se litigants. Learn what they prioritize. Understanding your judge’s tendencies helps you prepare, speak their language, and avoid missteps in court.
Step 7: The Most Important Move? Your Mindset
Starting the divorce process requires more than legal knowledge—it takes courage and clarity. As Tracey puts it:
“You don’t have to know everything before you file. But you do need a strategy, and the belief that you’re allowed to protect yourself.”
Whether you go it alone or hire a professional, the key is to take the first step. File when you’re ready, not just when you’re scared. Disclose what you know, and let the truth come forward. Build your case from a position of calm clarity—and know that support is available.
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